Good evening,
You already read about (at least in part) my "crazy" family. I mentioned in my thread "Bah Humbug" that on my last birthday I made the decision to "DIVORCE" my family & I meant that LITERALLY.
In May my mom (adopted/ bio mom's sister) asked me if I was sending bio mom a birthday card. I told her I was sending her an INVISIBLE one just like she has been sending me.
My family & I differ on almost everything. One of the biggest bones of contention is religion. I am ADAMENT about what I want when I pass. I also cannot stand it when people show up at someone's funeral speaking of how wonderful the deceased was & how much they will miss the person when you know that in reality they treated the deceased like a piece of dog turd when they were alive. I have very specific legal instructions about what I want when I pass; very detailed but essentially no funeral but a "CELEBRATION OF LIFE". This "CELEBRATION OF LIFE" is spelled out SPECIFICALLY INCLUDING who CAN & CANNOT attend. I SWEAR I WILL TURN OVER IN MY GRAVE if my bio mom or any of my so called sisters showed up at my funeral as though they were truly mourning a loss. They have shown thru words & action throughout the last 30+ years (how long I have know who my bio family was) exactly what they think of me & how they feel about me. I DO NOT need a bunch of phonies crowding around my grave. The reality is the ONLY REASON they would show up is to see if I left any money or anything of value.
One other quick story. I saw a psychiatrist, Sandra for 20+ years she really helped me with my family issues & many other things & we became more friends & colleagues (I worked in the field of mental health); she was my mentor, my friend, a parent when I needed one, a sister when I needed one... She was at my college graduation, my 40th birthday, we would meet for coffee, so many things. Said was not much older than I was & no matter how bad things got in my life Sandra had a way of assuring me that everything would be ok. Sandra passed away suddenly & unexpectedly of complications of lupus - it will be 4 years in January - I miss her every single day, some days more than most.
Less than 3 weeks after Sandra died my adoptive father died. He & mom adopted me as an infant; he was the only father I ever knew but I HATED HIM; boy did he give me many reasons to. He was a verbally abusive, cross dressing alcoholic. About 6 years before he died he developed Alzhiemer's & his disease progressed rapidly. He & my mom lived in this fantasy world of "Bob doesn't remember the past so it didn't happen" Well it DID happen & I will NEVER forget it.
Mom INSISTED I show up at the wake & funeral to support HER. While I was there physically I WAS NOT there mentally. I seperated from him as as child & had no connection to him; his death DID NOT sadden me but Sandra's death devastated me to the point I contemplated suicide - how could I live without her? I HAVE NOT mourned for Bob 1 SINGLE DAY & DO NOT think I ever will. By the time I was 10 he was "dead" to me. Sandra WAS NOT blood but she treated me with more kindness, consideration, love & understanding than anyone; YES often better than my mom (adopted).
Right now I am going thru a really bad time emotionally & all I keep thinking is "if Sandra were here then everything would be ok" Blood means NOTHING. I will respect you so long as you respect me.
"I AM NOT concerned with you liking or disliking me but... YOU WILL RESPECT ME AS A HUMAN BEING"