What a powerful thread this has become. I'll had some story to it to see if it can help.

First, I can't even imagine being in the situations you are all in. So any advice I may have is from my faith, living and years of nursing. I came from a large Baptist preachers family that family is everything. So I really can only sympathize and not empathize with you all.

My son in laws life was not the same thoug. He came from a family that had alcaholics and abusers. Both his Mom and Dad abused all of the kids, his back has burn scars. To make a long story short, his mother ran over his dad in a drunken rage and killed. him. So he immediately became a ward of the court along with his two brothers and sister. As the oldest he had more problems and was shuffled from one foster home to another. He finally ended up in a wonderful group home and to this daay he calls them Mom and Dad. So to speed forward, his mother is released from prison, and he is asking me whether he should ask her why she did it. He knows where she is and has her current address. He had tried to send her cards when he was much younger and she never returned any communication. My son in law is older and a little wiser now and needs some answers and closure. So I told him that I think he should send her another letter and first start by letting her know what is happening to him, maybe some pictures. Then he should ask her what happened. If she chooses not to answer then he will know that it is HER choice for not going through the door that he has opened. He will always know that he did his part. He also knows that he has a huge family here that will always love him no matter what happens. And believe me, sometimes he pushes the button but we still love him.

To all who are struggling through this, only you know your gut feeling. And in the end you have to live with yourself. I also like to think that what we do now is helping to carve our legacy we leave for our children and grandchildren.

Big hugs to all of you