I am trying to wade thru tongiht. Hour by hour. The doc I saw apparently didnt want to see me. She said some of the most rediculous things. Scary, hurtful things. When she actually said she want me to just go to my internist and 'not bother' my great pulmo I saw last week who found all the stuff he did I felt like I was dropping into a black hole. My daughters head was down as she was as stunned as I was. I was trying to not cry. I fought back at one point and said kinda "whatever as long as I get the mestinon for my breathing....' She didnt deny me that tho said that didnt involve her. One of her students wrote something down quickly so I think she might be on my side but couldnt say much at that point. She said later something supportive when her teacher this doc left the room.

I had too much hope. I left that room in a bad bad place feeling like ....I cant say what I was feeling like. I am stunned by this turn of events. I think this process is killing me more than the disease. I think I have to stop somehow for a while.


Thank you for your wonderful thoguhts and wishes. I so wanted to tell you a good story when I read them. But at the same time maybe they will give me some peace so I can sleep tonight at some point.
Annie59