(((Bizi and Mari))) thanks for the comforting words.

and (((Steve))) thanks for popping in to wish me well.

i am seeing pdoc tuesday... by the skin of my teeth before i start - the next day! as it is on tuesday i have 3 things to do and it will be bing bing bing one after the other, don't stop to breathe or you'll miss the boat... i am trying to pick one of the two earlier ones not to do, but once i work it will be impossible... ack. i am worrying about everything and still having flashes.

the interaction with the consultant the other day was very weird - i was not reacting appropriately - way too high/euphoric... (due to what i ingested before going). felt real awkward afterwards. i think that is what started the involuntary rehashing and twisting.

but i also i realized something in the conversation with the nice doc last night might have worsened things... didn't expect to have to bring it up certain things... sensitive. so emotional overload on top of existing overload.

last night i talked to my parents a while, it helped a bit. i also had a lorazepam as well as a smidgeon extra benzo since i'd missed the night before. this morning i took another little bit extra and had a nap

i had reduced my zoloft - have upped it again as of today.

i am going to see if pdoc thinks maybe i should go back on depakote, and/or have some zyprexa on hand for when i get weirded out. of course, removing certain damaging elements may be sufficient. dunno. maybe the damage is done, in terms of my state of being. will see what he thinks.

i really needed/meant to go buy some pants today but i desperately wanted to stay inside. i guess i have to put it off a week now. i don't want to be in crowded department stores today, which is where i need to go. i don't want people crashing up against me.

i feel like time is running out i am never going to get everything done in time. meanwhile today i am sitting around. trying to deal with the season switch in wardrobe as well as the dressy wardrobe... have summer things and fall things all mixed up and lots of things lying about for days now... a mess!!!!

(((hugs))) to all of you

~ waves ~ wandering off to fold clothes or find something rhythmic and methodical to do... or play music if dad is not sleeping.