Thanks guys, that was exactly what I was looking for.

I feel like I'm having a quiet little breakdown. I really don't need advice- I just have to vent....

My life is an endless string of doctors appointments. Or I'm sleeping. Or I'm pushing my body to the limits by doing things I shouldn't be doing (laundry, food shopping, running the heavy vacuum etc.).
With all the doc appts. and procedures this week, I'm reminded of what a mess I am and how little control I have over my body. I'm 30...30!?!

I can't walk like a normal person, pee like a normal person, crap like a normal person, swallow like a normal person, lift light things like a normal person, be awake like a normal person...

I spasm, I have a tremor, and I'm in constant pain! For Christ's sake, I can't even feel the left side of my vagina!
I'm still smart, but can't access anything without time, my memory is gonzo, and can't express myself verbally without coming across as a blathering idiot!
Children are no longer an option because I'm on s many meds the baby would be a mutant. Can't go off any of the MH meds because I'd probably kill myself, and couldn't take care of a child anyways.

I just can't believe how much MS has taken from me in such a short period of time- I worked SO hard, I was so good at what I did, and when my RN was finally within my grasp I was forced to stop. Pushed out of a job because I disclosed my condition- and the slippery ****ers banded together to slide right out of the EEO complaint!
We exhausted our savings, lost our condo, and couldn't pay our credit card bills because I couldn't work and had to wait over a year for disability! Money problems are a constant concern. Our credit is ****, and I wonder if we'll make it every month, and if we'll ever get back on track. We have $25 in savings.
Doctors tell me I will never work again because of my physcial, MH, and cognitive issues. I've been unable to find a friggen volunteer position!

I feel like I've been wasted. I can't use any of the gifts that God gave me anymore. My friend wants me to redirect my energy by taking pride in my new role as a house wife. My husband wants me to do a load of laundry every week. Wow, that all sounds like fun.
I sit here waiting to see what MS will take from me next, and when. It's just a matter of time. I don't want to hear about cures, things getting better, or not progressing. I have progressive MS. There's no turning back time- the damage is done-and all the new tx and meds are for relapsing remitting MS patients.

UGH. It just never ends!

I am safe. I'm distracting myself. I did the bathroom and the floors yesterday.
I'm hanging on. It's just every little thing. The pile of **** starts to wobble with every little thing.

Thank you for listening.