I love horses, I have actually thought of getting one but because of my arms and hands I have put if off. I live out in the country and when I take my walks, everyone around me has horses and I love it.

I was wondering Jo if you guys worry about the horse pulling away from you and pulling on your arms and hands. That is my biggest worry and my Dr. told me that he just thought after all I have been through that I shouldn't get one. I know he's right but I've always wanted a palamino. I will have my home payed off in 10 months and then I will be able to buy some things I want and I have been thinking about a horse.

As far as memories. I cry a lot over Bill and our memories. We did everything together. We went on picnics, walks, motorcycle rides, you name it we did it. Out of 34+ years we only spent 2 weeks apart and that's when his mother was dying and I couldn't go back home with him. When I was well we just really enjoyed doing things. We never stayed home. For the past 9 years I couldn't do anything.

I get really frustrated with the shape I'm in and I beat myself up all of the time over the fact that I feel useless.

What keeps me going now are my Grandson's. They still haven't outgrown me yet so they spend a lot of time here with me. They are now getting interested in girls and sports so I believe that might change soon.

It's hard to keep thinking of the positive when there isn't enough of it to keep a person going.

Ada