Originally Posted by gramE

I cannot begin to say how helpful and information and thought provoking this RSD group has been to me.

My accident was 1/13/10 and it has been downhill since, but I believed everyone who said 'if you'd just wear the white support hose you'd be fine.' I even had a PA tell wearing jeans was the problem. Or if I was hungry enough(needing the money) I could go to work. Just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
Everytime I would believe this, I'd take my own vaca time, go away by myself to limit the stress and responsibility and sure enough I would have few issues for a week, if you don't count not wearing shoes, not wearing sock or nylons, not getting in or out of my car 25 times a day, very, very limited walking, just reading or other non-stress activity! But each time upon returning, I took a couple of steps backwards in my ability to complete my work in the time it previously took. And I was wearing no shoes on the workroom floor and everyone was over looking it. As my workload even lightened, it took me longer. I'm old ok, but not that old. But in one ten day period, I went from one foot/leg involvement to two. That was a sucker punch I wasn't expecting.

I'm beginning to realize, aside from the black/red/blue feet, no shoes, no walking, burning/stinging that a big thing is the 'head' thing. I'm moving to the beat of a different drummer and this guy ain't banging out a samba. More like a lullaby. The stress of just turning my brain on in the morning results in increased symptoms, not counting putting my feet to the floor. That is after I've slept, it is difficult to get my brain into a sleep mode. I've gone from an 8 hour sleeper to a 2 maybe 3 hour quiet time. But staying within the confines of my 1200 sq ft home where I can rest at will, I'm getting by. But I'm still not wearing shoes, socks, not going to the grocery, not baking or cooking like before. My life today is nothing like my life before 1/13/10.
There are many mental tasks that are difficult, especially under seeming innocent stressors. Typing a note after walking to answer the phone is more difficult until I take time to calm my brain. That doesn't take into account typing each word 3 times to correct the inappropriate keys my fingers touched. Not the ones my brain said to touch! Remembering even the name of the point where I got my last injection is difficult if I'm recounting the story in routine conversation with others. Words don't come and the ones that do aren't the right ones.

So my question to all of you dear new friends, how do I enter into this process of being declared disabled to work. After a nerve block and two injections in my sacroiliac, my brain is so much less electrically charged, that I can do routine tasks and care for myself. I sometimes feel guilty for not working, then I remember, I'm not wearing shoes, no time pressure or speed required, simple 1 hour tasks are not an 8-10 hr working day,....etc, etc.
But to hear you all talk about the obstacles before you to get qualified, helps me to realize that many, many think if I'd just wear those pressure socks I'd be fine. I just haven't found one for my entire central nervous system or my brain for that matter.
I have a great doctor. And as of next week I'll have a lawyer. I was hoping to avoid that but I also didn't plan on RSD/CRPS. I have the US Dept of Labor, US Postal Service, Car Insurance all want their piece of the pie, or maybe piece of me. T'were God not on my side, I can see quickly slipping into hopelessness.
And my BFF says that I'm sometimes my own worst enemy because I don't have a normal reaction when I'm in pain. I laugh, I deny, I ignore, I definitely don't advertise and many times I save my 'steps' all up so I can do the one public thing and then pay the piper the next few days.

I guess I'm not ready to admit out loud or in public that I have a problem, but the reality is I do. I had a counseling session on Tues and he said 'you are an idealist.' I'm also the eternal optimist. Even when I'm shouting to my husband to go down on the corner and buy me some morphine. I know this to will pass.
So I guess I just wanted to say thanks for letting me listen in to your conversations, some from long ago, so that I might better prepare for the road that lies ahead of me.

thanks for letting me vent and say thank you,
with hope for tomorrow
pat e