dear whole person. You have been through alot, and I have no idea how I would react if I had been hit by mac truck. Sometimes life hands us lousy things. There are alot of people who relate to that. Most of the people I have met on this site have been through some of life's worst illnesses too. All of us are changed by the experiences we endure. Sometimes we cannot be the person we were before eithor like you. I had a 30 year career, I cried for years because I can't do it anymore. I can relate to how very different your life can be. You are still a whole person, evolving, enduring, and I can see that you are trying very hard to cope. Keep involved with this site if you can. There are lots of caring people who can keep in touch with you. You are not alone, and there will be people who will care. I wish I had the words to comfort you.ginnie