louise, your post leaves me speechless, as it must many of us earlier-stage PWP as we bask in our remaining blessings--Denial and Hope--like a bikini-loving old man at the beach in autumn...you prepare the way...you are the scout...the war-weary reporter from the front lines...your cry in the night pulls me toward you like a mother to her wailing newborn....aware she cannot protect herself let alone her child...still, scream away...we hear you...we are here with you..."it's all spirit now" said my sister, remember?