Dear Debbie -

I am not going to tell you that you have a duty to hang in there for its own sake, or even those around you. Just that I know someone with whom I was very close, who attempted to OD - survived due to her incredibly high tolerance to opioids - and discovered that she was far better when she woke up days later in a hospital, detoxed and free of previously undiagnosed opiate-induced hyperalgesia.

So, in balance, whether or not you accept the admonition to never give up, Sandy makes an excellent point:

Never assume anything. You have no way of knowing that it WILL go into your . . . until it does. Always take one day at a time.

In another vein, one of the many things that struck me was your reference to working 4 -5 hours a day. If you are working primarily for your for health insurance, I would suggest that even without heathcare reform (which may well be "de-funded" by the next House) and if you could afford to "walk" at this time and buy two years of COBRA coverage, you will almost certainly qualify for SSDI within 6 months of completing your application and online questionnaires, including a retro payment to your date of disability (most likely the day you quit) with Medicare cutting in two years thereafter: which would just so happen to be the day your COBRA coverage expired.

I know it isn't perfect, but it may be an option, albeit one you have already thoroughly considered.

You know that you have our love and are held in the hearts of everyone of us,

Mike