What if you think of suicide, have the means, but have no plan because you think it will hurt?

My goal is to outlive my dog, but my best friend just had to have shock pads to his chest to get his heart beat back to normal, I have had 3 head injuries and suffer from a TBI, my life is just sitting in my room, going to work at the hospital that treats me, and traveling to work. I live in NYC but cannot find a group of people to meet up with who are like me so I have no support.

I just don't know what to think, I take 11 medications and it wouldn't be hard to just down everything with mountain dew, but I don't do it, I love my dog.

yes, I am rambling, I am sorry, my life is just full on fail (whine, whine, whine).
What do I do?