Dear July, I am glad you found this site. I check in now and then just because of the people I have met here and the support I receive. I know the holiday can be difficult emotionally. Yes indeed, but you do have people here that will listen and try to understand. You are not alone. It may sound completely nuts, but I found reading an escape. It takes me places my body cannot go to. I get to go on an adventure to places that I know I will not see in person in this life. I have wonderered about my future at times too, worried about failing health. I still find reason just to satisfiy myself with some nice treat. Try to be good to yourself, even when you don't feel like it. It is cold here in Fla. All you northerners have blown the cold from canada down this way. Maybe a hot chocolate. Please write anytime you feel like it. I hope you will continue to keep in touch. ginnie