I have been reading through these forums tonight, and part of my thinks I may be malingering? Yes, I have tried twice with pills and failed, but if I was going to end it, why would I be on the forums, why would I make this stuff public, it seems I am like looking for attention. I don't know what I am doing. I know at times I ask myself how many pills can I swallow before I throw up or pass out, then at other times I am like, "What the f* am I thinking, I don't want to do anything, cause, well, it would hurt. I watched a video last night of a guy who hung himself in his living room (I searched for it but I don't think I should give out the website I found it on) and the guy turned purple really fast, but from what I saw, it was fast. It made me think about it. If was scary, but so fast. Would it be faster than pills. Then I think, am I just looking for attention. I tell my doctors how i feel, I don't get indepth but I do mention it, and they think I am fine.

Ugh to a ramble, sorry guys, for some reason this is what came from my fingers.