I hope that your doctor(s) take you very seriously - you are not fine if you are having suicidal thoughts. Your doctor should not even let you leave his/her office without making sure they are addressing the suicidal thoughts with both medication and therapy.

Thank you for not sharing the website that you found about hanging. Many of us here have all suffered losses and/or tried or been suicidal... it would be very hurtful to be graphic about it and I appreciate that you made a decision not to show us. It seems your mind is playing tricks on you... and you are going to an unhealthy place because you're thinking about it. Please share this with your doctor.