I think we all have those feelings sometimes (or most of us do, if we're honest with ourselves). I have a lot of days when I think that everyone would just be better off without me - or wouldn't really miss me, anyway. I think, though, that deep inside I know that's not totally true.
Depression is worse than almost any disease. It's a helpless feeling and, when we're caught up in it, we just can't seem to help ourselves. For some people who have control issues (me!), it can be maddening...I hate being out of control on anything. There was a time in my life when I couldn't control a lot of things, so I decided that I could control what I did/didn't eat....all the way to 64 lbs. It was a great feeling of achievement at the time, for some reason...
Suicide is painful - to those you love, it's terrible. Though they love you, how can they accept that there is no answer to anything and there never will be - or not a straight one, anyway. It's painful to those who are around you because they will always wonder if there's something they should've seen, if there's something they should've said or not said. Yes, considering suicide is painful, too. It's a lonely place to be and that hurts horribly. But there's always someone who will be affected by it. Sometimes a person you'd never expect to even notice. Please continue to talk...you'd be surprised at the number of people here who love you - even though we don't know you. I know I've been saved by words here many times. And, though I don't "know" anyone here truly, I know that we don't have to be related by blood for the concern to be real. Most of my best friends I don't really "know"...and that's funny because I've found that I trust the ones I don't "know" a WHOLE lot more than the ones who are physically around me. It's an odd world, July, but it's what we've got and I'm really thankful for it. I'm here if you need me!