I am sitting here crying because of your post, and Jerry is hugging me at the same time. That was so sweet what you said and it made me feel very good inside. There are so many times when I feel useless, helpless, and behind other people my age or like I screw everything up so when people do say nice things like you guys did it really means a lot to me! Mark, I appreciate you explaining the whole surgery thing to me because now it makes more sense and I can understand why everything hurts and is angry. I keep looking at it as just they make a cut stick your leads in and send you on your way but it is much more involved and I guess I needed to be reminded of that And Rae you are so incredible and you gave me a lot of inspiration and strength too because there was a time I did want to just give in and just basically not fight anymore because it was easier keeping the bad doctors and such but you showed me that I do have reason to fight and I am so glad that I did! The depression is hard and I think mine really started getting worse after my hysterectomy. But my therapist is really great and I have been through some not so good ones either but she really gets me and seems to genuinely care about me. I was so anxious to turn 30 but really it is not so bad because I am actually moving in the right direction and have a great partner and husband by my side And you are both right that I will heal but I need to take time and I am definitely not going to do any car trips because I plan on heading back to campus in the summer a whole new woman Thank you both for making me (and Jerry) feel better about things! And of course I will post pics of Gigi when I get her Take care I need to head for bed its been a long but wonderful day 'sTara