Robyn,
That she lets her husband abuses her says alot actually - she cannot make him the bad guy - she has to see him as good in order to keep the relationship, so she has transfered her negative feelings onto you. At least that's what I would say if I were a therapist, but I am only married to one. But when I read that about her husband, i had an "Aha moment" about all of this.
Stay patient, she REALLY has some growing up to do, and I hope that it doesn't take too long. I have a feeling that when her marriage (or whatever it is) deteriorates, that she will come running into your arms. once you are done helping her and loving her, tell her how much she has hurt you, and that you will not tolerate it again.
Ugh, so sorry, we are here to support you.
Lily