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Elder
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: In a DARK corner.... not looking for a way out.
Posts: 5,526
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Elder
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: In a DARK corner.... not looking for a way out.
Posts: 5,526
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Anger is a good thing!!! You still have feelings!!!
I know you say you feel empty... that's a feeling too!!
These things let you know that you are alive!!!
Even if you feel like you are never going to reach them...I know you don't feel like it, but you still have dreams!! They are still there!!! You are still working toward them!!! You can still reach them!!!
I just heard of an 80yr old man who just graduated from college. You have a long way to go before reaching his age. You have lots of time to make your dreams come true.
You asked why do you stay here if you don't want to.... I believe you are staying because you have way more fight in you and are way stronger than you believe and are willing to give yourself credit for!!!
I know you deal with a lot on a daily basis... but you have accomplished so much! You may not see it because you are standing in the middle of it all, but those around you see it!! They may not pat you on the back, shake your hand, or congratulate you for your successes but they do see it!! It is true that these same people are probably the first ones to point out your errors and/or deficiencies. While there is always someone that wants to see us fail...I feel that the majority of these people are either jealous of you or want you to excel beyond what they are able to communicate!!
Being selfish is okay for somethings... but I don't see you as a selfish person at all.... SUICIDE is selfish. I know... I walk a similar path as you...suicide is my constant companion.
I have said for a long time that if I died that no one would care....but deep down inside I know that is not true.... I think you know this too.
I also have said I don't anyone to hurt because of me... SUICIDE does HURT.. not only us, but those we leave behind....and that doesn't always mean those that are close to us. It often hurts those whose life path has crossed ours at one time or another.
Please... stop, step back, take a deep breath.... tomorrow is another day. I know if you choose not to be in it... it will hurt a lot of people... me included.
Abbie
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My avatar pic is my beautiful niece Ashley!
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Rest in Peace 3/8/90 ~~ 4/2/12
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