Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa R
Hello Cat,
My husband also died of non small cell lung cancer and he was 65 when he died in Jan. of 2010 so it hasn't yet been a year. I can tell you from my experience, you have to give yourself permission to grieve in your own way. Whatever it takes girl! That's the only way to work your way through it and there are no rules, no schedule or simple way for anyone. It's hard work! I'm still prone to burst into tears at the sound of a song we loved together or the reminder of something we used to do for fun. He wasn't sick long either so there wasn't alot of time to think ahead. I was in denial that he was even sick after he died. Now that's denial! We were married for 37 years and had 3 children. For months I woke up thinking I would like to join him, how dare he leave me like this and what do I do now? We had planned a life together and he left early. Then I would get myself out of those thoughts by thinking I'm not the only one who misses him and everyone dies. When you look at what happened, you think you are the only one, but there are others out there who can work through their own not so distant grief by helping you. And you will reach that point. Don't rush yourself or take shortcuts! You need to allow yourself time and discover your own methods of doing what it takes to come through this. I have learned not to worry about what others might think of my outbursts of grief. It really doesn't have anything to do with you.
God bless you on this journey and I will watch for more posts by you. I hope this helps.
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Hi, Melissa
Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I am so sorry for your loss. I guess I have to keep fumbling my way thru this. People just get alarmed when I say that I just want to be with him. It doesn't mean I am suicidal. It just means you can't always get what you want and I have to accept that.
Hi, Alffe
Sorry I haven't responded until now. I have had a long flair with both my RA and peripheral neuropathy plus the holidays were more than I could handle.
The moderator from my grief counseling group was Chris Koepew, MA from Solari Hospice. He would give us handouts giving advice from other sources as to helping to cope. But it seemed like he was going out of his way not to give any personal advice at all. It was like let the group help you not me. He called me several times asking me to come back to the group as I did not show up for a month. I did return for 1 last meeting and was coherant enough to realize that the group had become more like a social party than a grief help group. So I stopped going and have no plans to go back. The number of people in the group varied from 6 to 15 at any given time. I do not go to a church so counseling there is not an option. Any questions to the hospice about individual counseling was met with advice to come to the group sessions. I must say I was very disappointed with this group but the info in the handouts was very good and I refer to them often. I think I am doing better now except everytime something goes wrong, my first response is to start crying: at the pharmacy, on the phone with SSDI etc.
Thank you all for your kind words of support.
Cat