I'm not sure what to say here.But I am comforted to hear someone my age speak about how it feels.Every one I know has 1 of 2 comments about my having had a stroke
1)I am very lucky to be alive and I should take everything slowly and not feel guilty or be hard on myself.

2)They cant understand how I feel but if I need any help, just ask.

Number 1 makes me feel like I must not appreciate what I've just gone through.I have to admit that I don't feel that way, I feel very helpless and dependent and yes I am alive but my quality of life is so different.All I feel right now is annoyed that I can't just get back to being able to do what I used to and want to do.I don't feel guilty, just as though I am lacking being a part of the living world.

Number 2 makes me feel like I am suddenly seen as a being handicapped.I lost the ability to control the area from my ankle to my toes on the left side.I am able to walk but I become tired so fast it causes problems doing what needs to be done.

I feel sad everyday.I cried maybe only twice.I am not sure how to express how I feel.It's not like myself,that's for sure.I don't feel as though I am me any more, more like I am trying to get back t myself.My emotions seem to have turned off too.In a situation I can recall the emotion I should feel but it does not arise.I just realized how oblivious I've been since I've come home.I understand I can't change what happened to me but I can't seem to figure out how to become me again, how to feel again, something besides sadness and hopelessness.I can't seem to find any joy in anything anymore