when I had a central line a few years ago, I was concerned that people will notice the small scar it left and start asking me about it, so I went into the habit of wearing a necklace every time I went out.

when I had a muscle biopsy a few years later, I was again concerned that this will raise a lot of questions.
At that time I still tried to hide my illness (now I know it was completely ridiculous, because how can you "hide" the fact that you have to stop every few steps, need to hold onto the walls and arrive panting?).

I have other scars that can't be seen and are much more painful. every time I think that they have healed, something happens that makes me understand this is going to be a much longer healing process then I thought.

just like scars on the skin, they gradually fade, and are much less painful then they initially were, but they are still there and probably will be there forever.

scars are reminders of unpleasant experiences that we have went through. reminders of pain and suffering, but they are also evidence for our healing and coping, our courage and our ability to endure this suffering.

I no longer waste my limited energy on hiding my illness or my scars. it has become part of me, for better and for worse (or hopefully worth).

alice