Dear BJ,
I completely understand your frustration ...I really do.
This is not an easy diagnosis to have nor are we simple people.
WE are complex and full of our own issues.
this is what your therapist is supposed to be helping you with.
There is not a magic pill that fixes us.
Anti convulsants help to stabilize our moods by calming down the lymbic system...that is what we need! and they take time to work.
I take lamictal and really like it, also has antidepressant properties so when I swing down off of this high that I have been on I won't swing down too low.

It is a great mood stabilizer.
but as with all meds what works for you and me might be something entirely different.

some meds stop working after a while and then we have to try a new med.
Hopefully I will be able to stay on this med for a long time...but I don't know for sure.

Your therapist will help you learn how to cope with all of this.
It is hard and acceptance comes in bits and pieces.
I am going to have to deal with all of these ups and downs for the rest of my life...knowing this...I am trying to not be so hard on myself.
I am here in the evenings if you ever want to chat.
((((HUGS))))
bizi