Dear Linda,
This is the kind of trial that can make you bitter or better, and better is a much better choice. You have less trials because bitterness makes every issue a trial. Responding in love when the going gets tough, draws you closer. I try to set myself up with a space of my own, when the walls seem to close in on us. I used to take two or three vaca a yr to visit my sis'. Or just take off for a couple of days to the lake and watch birds. Now I'm very limited physically and by the meds. But my husband still needs his space that sometimes doesn't include me.
So I have(and am refining still) made myself a room where, if he slid me some food under the door, I could stay and keep amply occupied for a couple of days. I can study, meditate, pray, correspond, sleep, read, and thanks to a very generous
Christmas gift of an IPad I can follow my friends on here,
facebook and a couple of other places and play some cool
games, and all my photos are loaded on here. The point is our
time together is more enjoyable because we both realize we
need a bit of space. His willingness to expect less now that the
RSD has taken up residence than I would have contributed
before is an amazing gift. I'm a different person physically, and
we are learning to walk this path much slower, but much more
in step with one another. He is making a lot of sacrifices and I
try to recognize that fact.
We have fun saying we each have have half a brain/memory and together maybe we can remember the important stuff. Two years ago he suffered a TBI but he's good at reminding me
where the conversation was going when I just forget,
midstream. And if all else fails we round up a few of our ten
g'kids for entertainment. Many good scrabble opponents as long as I supply some snicker doodles .
The adjustments have been difficult, but we are learning to live within our new boundaries.
Remember, and this too shall pass. Tomorrow is a new day.
Twin g'sons are the entertainment tomorrow, age 11. They can play the video games as long as they play a Scrabble turn!
Have a great week end!
Pat e
RUReady,
I copied my response to nevadabound just a couple of days ago. Very valid question you ask, but I think a thought I would add to my response to you is to be careful not to be too quiet about what is going on. Love covers all. Hearing how a spouse is feeling allows your wife to have a sympathetic response to you. She can't read your mind and possibly misinterpret your silence.
I do understand that in addition to the adjustments that come with RSD physically, emotionally, and mentally you were the caregiver and provider. But you are a team in this and working as a team in every facet of your life will bring you both comfort and satisfaction.
I'm an ADD always on the go, chairman and planner of our entertainment and family gatherings. Then one day after an accident our whole life is 180 degrees different. Now, I'm quite often housebound, and my ability to walk more than 200 yds is limited. But I'm learning that different isn't bad, just different. Things in our life could be much worse. Being in our 60's we are trying to take what we've been given for today and do our best.
This is the best place to ask your question. I hope you brought your pencil and notebook, because I'm sure you are going to want to take notes.
Blessings to you both,
Pat
