Tomorrow I will have the first treatment with IV fluids and taking the 50,000 vitamin D pill with it. This will be done in the hospital treatment area. Given I have no idea what that mega pill will do to me as a few hundred units of vit D used to make me dry and weak as if I had taken a benedryl. Made me so dry I would have increased Sjogrens symptoms which do include mouth so dry my lips stick to lips and eyelids so dry they drag in a slow uncomfortable way across my eyes. And thats the easy part. When my lungs get that dry it affects my breathing. It becomes harder.

Right now I am more scared to not do it than to do it. The pain is back worse and I am having the dark thoughts again and my daughter and I had words. It was really bad. They have no time for me to be this sick. I have to try this to get healthier as heaven knows the docs arent doing enough. What is going on with the myositis scares me. The recent neuro attempting to consider it a migrain was so so frustrating. If I had gone that day it a higher level of agony and made that my priority raether than talking sensibly would it have helped. With my records having the somatic and dissmissive junk in it to go and cry cause I am that bad it something I avoid like the plague. This time it may have backfired. He even has my daughter my wanting me to try the darn verapamil just because I told her I discovered it was not only constipating which is all he told me so I would use it for mestinon bowel issues but it is used for migraines. "Take it for sh*** and giggles" she said to me yesterday.

Anyway if I end up sicker just wanted you all to know you all have meant alot to me. Part of me believes this is gonna work. Maybe not flawlessly but that is ok. My spirit needs me to be better, to have something work.

Annie59