I don't know for sure what you would call it either, but it's definitely a problem. If you changed just few parts, you could be describing my own experience very closely. The chronic pain. Arguing with my doctors over whether I'm depressed or not. I spent three years in my bedroom, only eating in the evening just like you. Only leaving when I had to because of a doctor's appointment. I was numb all the time. I lost all my interest in the things I used to like to do. At first because it hurt too much, but eventually because I just hadn't done anything in so long.

I wasn't suicidal. I didn't have much energy. I still have to take pills sometimes to put on weight because I don't bother to eat. I also feel like I'm in neutral half the time. But then a year ago my best friend suffered an injury at work. Nothing too serious, just a torn shoulder muscle. But he couldn't work for three months. So he decided to spend that whole three months with me. He would call every morning to see what I was doing. I'd tell him I really wasn't up to having company, and besides, I'd be no fun since all I was doing was staring at the walls. He'd say that's okay, we could stare at them together. Try to pick out a good color for them.

He did that day after day, and soon I began to realize that I always felt just a little bit better at the end of the day. By month two I was looking forward to his visits, because he never tried to talk me into anything. He'd just ask, and when I said I couldn't do it he'd say that's okay. By month three I wasn't always saying I couldn't anymore. I started letting him take me to simple places to do simple things.

Anyway, it's been a year since then, and now I leave my bedroom every day. I actually drive a car for short distances. Every workday I go in to my parents business and at least hang around for a while, even if I can't do any work. I'm there right now. But I'm still arguing with my doctor over whether I am depressed or not. He says that he doesn't see how a person could hurt for so long and not be depressed. I say it's different. But now he has finally ordered me to go see a psychologist for ten visits. I start this Thursday.

I suppose the shrink will probably say I'm depressed. All I know is that life has gotten a lot harder for me. I have to make myself do things that I used to do without thinking, or maybe even enjoy. So when I find out what the verdict is, I'll let you know. Good luck with your own feelings!

Idealist