I am so glad I am not alone. Many of you have put voice to my feelings. I have been married to my best friend for close to 23 years (been together for 27). The last few years have been really hard on us. I was diagnosed with RSD/CRPS in Nov. 2006 after about 2 years of symptoms. Initially it was in my right arm/shoulder and I was able to continue to work (I was a RN.) and function with the help of a SCS. In Feb/Mar 2008 my stim stopped helping and the RSD/CRPS started spreading to the point where it is now and I was forced to go on total disability. It now affects both arms/shoulders, my chest wall, spine, and neck (basically anywhere a long-sleeved turtle neck shirt would cover), as well as some internal organs (most notably my stomach and heart). My husband has become my caregiver and the responsibilities of running the house and taking care of the family have fallen on him. We have two college age sons (20 and 22) who live at home, one who is attending school and the other who is also disabled with severe chronic daily migraine headaches. My husband never complains and says he meant his vows when he made them to me before God and if the roles were switched I would care for him but I still can't help but think that one day he is going to end up resenting me. Not that this is my fault or anything like that or not that he would do it on purpose but our lives have changed so drastically. We are still young. He is 45 and I am 43. We married young and had our children young and have always looked forward to this time in our life-when the kids were finishing college and we would be able to have some time to ourselves. Among other things our sex life has changed drastically and we both miss it. I am no longer able to sleep in bed and sleep in the recliner and I miss lying next to my husband at night. He misses me too. Just the intimacy of knowing the other is there. Beyond all of that there are the issues of finances. I had only been a RN for 4 1/2 yrs so my SSDI payments are nothing close to the amount I was making as a nurse. Add the medical bills to that and we have been financially hurting. We haven't had to do without any needs but it has been close at times. I feel like such a burden in so many ways. He has to help me wash my hair and shower. We have remained open and talk about these things which is a good thing but deep down inside I still have a lot of doubts and insecurities even with his reassurances.
Cricket