Doody posting about her deep depression made me reach for Kay Jamison's great book "Night Falls Fast". In the chapter A Half-Stitched Scar -Those Left Behind- she quotes Arnold Toynbee,

"The sting of death is always less sharp for the person who dies than it is for the bereaved survivors. This is the capital fact about the relation between living and dying. There are two parties to the suffering that death inflicts; and, in the apportionment of this suffering, the survivor takes the brunt."