hey billie.... thanks for thinking about me also...unfort. things are not any better..i am trying but nothing seems to help...except postiing and meeting such great people here...don't think i would still be here if it was not for neuro-talk... i do try to stay busy..but do not have the strength to do much. i have been having panic attacks lately every time i try to leave the house..very dissappointed in myself for letting all the pain winning..i know the depression will take a very long time to ease...but all the physical pain has made me question any task i want to take on...showers are very painful..and baths take to long to clean the tub,fill it and then trying to get in and out is not easy..driving is scarey and when i go food-shopping i have to get home fast or chances are too great that i will have the intense headaches,light-headness,tingling sensations and my lips seem to go numb...how do i know when it is too much??? neveer was before..now i am totally useless for over 2days.... missing david has not gotten any easier...either has trying to remember all the good times and all the times that we healed each other's pains and sorrows ..he will be the only child that i will get to raise as my own..i am very wary now about gettiing attached to anyone or anything..stupid i know..but am so tired of losing all that i love...trying to put some bricks in the wall to not let others in(selfish too) but...i am still trying...and am trying hard to keep my sense of humor...love the word games..not much thinking..just the first word that pops into my head...i am amazed that they actually make any sense....but it is keeping my brain active so they don't start leaking out my ears....keep staying on the strong path....gives me some hope...one day...maybe???

i have met one person from here and it was amazinig..now i have learned of another who lives in my area and will hopefully get to meet her too...
have a peaceful night..will try to be in a more positive mood tomorrow... thanks again for caring....