I need to get my thoughts down... and this is where I feel safe...
so please bear (bare
) with me as my thoughts are very scrambled... and I'm confused and lost and those beat-me-up feelings are at the forefront...
I was just let go from my latest job. I will not go into all the details here... but in the month that I was there I witnessed sexual harrassment, disrespect towards women, disrespect towards his employees and prejudice against clients (usually Asian).
About a week ago I stood up to my boss (the "abuser") and told him that he was very disrespectful to me and I didn't find his yelling and negative re-enforcement acceptable. Today, his partner, my other boss (a woman who refers to herself as Mrs.... so and so... very old fashioned)... asked me what I thought of the job... I told her I loved it and looked forward to it every day... but ... there is a but... I found Ali's treatment towards me very disrespectful... and I needed to let her know that he has hardly talked to me for a week.... (it turns out he never talked to her about it!).... she was very "sweet" but said that they were like a family there and we all have to get along. I agreed wholeheartedly and said I watched how she handled him and thought that I could learn to "let it go"... we went on to discuss some other aspects of the job....
... enough said...
I think she then talked to him.... (by the way, both his wife and daughter work there too... they all fight and argue... and he treats them with great disrespect)
.... since my Mom died a year ago January, I have lost (been let go) 3 jobs. Each of these jobs came at a time when I needed them... and each were not very "healthy" jobs for me.
Here come the beat-me-up thoughts... what's wrong with me that I can't accept /ignore what I deem as inappropriate behaviour?
I made an appointment with my doctor right away... I need therapy to figure out what the hell is wrong with me.... tomorrow afternoon
am I choosing the wrong type of jobs for me....
or is it ME? that's the problem... why can't I just close a blind eye.... keep my bloody mouth shut.... do my freaking job...
then leave.
You know... my husband was very disrespectful to me... ... and so for 22 years... I put up with it... my sons are disrespectful to me...
and I think... what the heck... this is all so sad... and I know I need therapy... to let this all go....
and quit blaming myself...
and learn some ways to deal with it...
gather around me my friends... I need you right now.