Phew! Well, what a couple of weeks I have had.

The Doctor took me off Targinact (Oxycodone/Nalaxone) and onto just plain Oxycodone 40mg (12 hour release) twice a day .. with 5mg/5ml Oxynorn in liquid form for "top up" pain relief.

To cut a long story short, I missed a tablet one night and woke with severe withdrawal symptoms. I felt like I had flu, I was aching all over, very weak, sore eyes, twitching limbs (a bit of an understatement .. I had to sleep in another bed so as to not disturb my husband who had work to go to) - anxiety .. and wave after wave of severe panic attacks.

I phoned the Doctor who said .. Hmmm I think when you came to see me last week, crying all over the place, you were actually having bad side effects to the Oxycodone .. let's drop the dose.

I decided there and then .. NOT A CHANCE .. I am coming off that stuff if I have to remain bedridden till my trial.

So Wednesday 2nd March I stopped my Oxycodone 12 hour release .. and at midnight that night I have one 5ml spoonful of Oxynorm and that's been it.

I have been to hell and back. I lay in bed on the Saturday, looking at the Oxynorm and thinking, "just one spoonful and I would feel better" ... but thank god for the strength that came from somewhere, I didn't give in.

I didn't give in when the panic attacks made me feel like I was going to die. Or when my limbs jerked about so much that they caused spasms of pain.

I have gone from:

80mg Amytryptilline
5mg Diazepam 3 times a day
40mg Oxycodone twice daily
5mg.5ml Oxynorm for break through pain to ......

nothing.

Though I admit I have had to ask the Doctor for Co Codomol if I need to get out of the house.

I am coping with my pain by doing what I can, when I can .. and I realise I started on higher pain meds just to enable me to do my job. Now I am not at work, I can rest when I need to, and take things slowly.

This last two weeks has been the most emotionally, physically and mentally distressing in my whole life - and this, from, a legally prescribed drug.

I'm still waiting to hear about my stimulator trial .. and I am really hoping that this will help with my pain, but if it doesn't then I have got to admit to having to severely readjust my life to fit around my pain - not taking pain medication just so I can try and live a more normal life.

So, that's where I'm at.

I take delivery of my little car next week and I must admit to being rather nervous about driving it, but it's an automatic, so I wont need to use my left leg at all (which is where I get the sciatic pain) .. I'm hoping I can manage, as this will enhance my life totally.

I hope you are all ok .. and coming through.

I hope you're all still smiling, even though we know that life can be a bit of a downer at times .. and I wish everyone well.

Blessings x x x