I feel like the change in life not only in the area of chronic pain from cervical spinal stenosis, degenerative disc disease and one bulging and one herniated disc all which two neurosurgeons told me were not operable and I should continue with pain management. I am also seen by a psychiatrist in treatment of PTSD, OCD, Panic Disorder with agorriphobia and the massive doses of drugs like thorazine and haldol due to being misdiagnosed for years as being 'chronic paranoid schizophrenic' total medication oriented system, lost my job...

Now, I have had to alienate myself from all former friends and aquantences because of the medications I am taking and the attempts to manipulate me out of the medications I need with no regard to the needs of my health, and the most important thing is it is illegal to give away these meds, and I find myself to be 'stuck' for 2 years I was told by the family md that all I was suffering from was 'aches and pains' and was lucky to even be able to get 30 tylenol with codiene and told to ration them over a months time. Finally an MRI did prove that I have the neurapaty, degenerative disc disease, and cervical spinal stenosis at the age of 34, which usually does not strike until the 60+ age group I am told.

I do not understand the disease and despite the pain seem like I am constantly having to 'prove' or 'justify' myself out of the fear they will force me to live in the horrible pain I did prior to the discovery of legitimate need and condition.

Mostly I feel that the most recent thing which actually brought tears to my eyes was the other day when a large framed man, seen as being tough and strong attempted to struggle to get the simple gasoline cap off of my car, and for a moment as I struggled for the very first time with such a simple thing as removing a gasoline cap almost with both hands was barely able to remove it and fear that I was going to ask someone to remove the gas cap from my car as I was almost with two hands unable to do so, and my fear is if I suffer and the progression is already at this level in less than three years then what will become of the next decade, the numbness in my right hand is always there, now my left hand as well and so frustrating to drop things and so on and so forth. I would gladly give back all the meds for a chance of a healthy mental, emotional, and physical fact of being to be able to live an average life.

Sorry for all the rambling on and on and am not saying anything against the fact of the danger I wish all hope peace and wellness on a cronic journey and I hope for myself as well someday pain will be able to be controlled in a safer and more safe and less risky way of relief. Thanks for listening.