i keep chopping more off the back/bottom.

it's becoming an interesting bob. it looked nice after the first round - came out simple but good. then i had to mess with it.

now i am thinking i should stay to the 1000mg i was on - it is not a high dose but significantly higher than my usual maintenance of 600-800mg. in epilepsy i notice the dosages go by weight but bipolar is not as fully specified.

any way i think i will re-dispense my pillholder to stay on my old dose of 1000mg depakote and 2mg En, with lorazepam 2.5+ mg as needed. thing is it is sublingual but does not dissolve that fast.

i feel preyed on at work.

i am trying to focus on afternoon tv, which mom also watches some. i am not paying attention to it though it's disorganized white noise to me.

i have not told my parents of the difficulties with work. it would trouble them but also trouble me back as they would hassle me about the chemicals i am taking in. and the hassle part really sets me off. so i'm not getting to talk to hardly anyone about this face to face. i talked to the bartender a little bit. was gonna talk frankly with my boss. he says don't do that, boss is not a frank type of person so don't give him any information past the necessary. wow that was good advice. i was like ok. right now it means keep a low profile and plod, but i'm having hard time doing both of those right now!

* i actually don't know, whether i'm really "functioning" at work or not. *

the coordinator gal (whom i don't trust necessarily) did say oh yes she's turned stuff in - i have, one side. there are problems in the software but my parts were done. all i know is i go to work every morning and work for the man. and i don't pick my toes, i do work. maybe not in a way that is compatible to him. but i feel so rugpulledfromunderme.

~ waves ~ who fell on the stairs yesterday, on the way to work, too.