Krank,
The folks here saved my life. It's a disaster when we start thinking the way you are.
Dig deeper, (there is ALWAYS deeper), find your faith, my friend. Someone, ALWAYS has it worse, and is smiling!
I'm not saying this to be mean, but, it's true. We get tested. Those that overcome, are accepted into God's kingdom!
And, so it goes.

I used to think that I had a right, to end it all. Why not?
Then, all the folks here, made me realize, that they loved me, and all my friends love me, and how much of an impact it would be, negatively, if I did the most irresponsible act possible, an act of TOTAL SELFISHNESS!

Forget all that, Krank. You've not yet reached your pinnacle. I've had this bastard RSD, with TOS for 27+ years. Was awarded 1.25 mil.
2nd wife, and an attorney, stole all of that.
I'm in the worst position of my life,
Yet,
Yesterday, just Yesterday,
I met with my attorney, whom I've been calling nasty names for a year out of shear frustration. A Friend took me, and another help to advocate.
I was able to get my ENTIRE point across, and guess what?
The guy is completely on my side again, more than ever.
And,
I FEEL BETTER THAN I HAVE IN A DECADE, Mentally and physically.

Because I have a TBI, and what is akin to PTSD, it's something like PTraumatic Head INJURY Depression.
I thought I'd be in bed for the weekend, nope. I was up at dawn and have been moving ever since.

So, keep the faith!
You never EVER know when God is gonna smile on you!

I smile on you, and pray on you!
I PROMISE, It will get better, just when it seems, it cannot get worse!

Love and Peace on you!

Pete

asb