Honestly I dont know how to thank you all...I just want to feel whole again...like I'm worth something...I really dont know how everyone hangs on....the death of my brother and then my mother in January...I just cant take it anymore...even though we were miles apart my brother and my mother and me were very close...they encouraged me and knew me so well that I felt I was worth something...Their gone and Im still here watching my body rot...Im not sure anyone knows just what I've done...I love the outside and I loved to go go go...If I wasnt doing something I was like a wolf in a cage...thats why I joined the Army...I was a combat engineer and then I wasnt satisfied with that so I went to Atomic Demolition school...When I was at Fort Belvior they asked me to take the honor of guarding the tomb of the unknown soldier...I just couldnt see myself walking in circles for four years...So they shipped me to Fort Hood Tx in the 8th engineer Battalion...I really didnt like that job because I just sat around and Drove Generals around base...the only thing I liked was carrying the Battalion guide on for the monthly Battalion run...I ran 5 miles carrying a 60 lb flag in front of me...I dont know why Im writing about this because thats all done...and no matter what Ive done ....I can no longer do...in my mind I cant slow down and with the meds im just in a fog....That day was a very bad day I almost hung myself...I dont know what stopped me...no matter how I tried I couldnt get the rope over the truss in my garage and the pain was absolutely insane...Im sorry for worrying everyone...but I found out that I have a family and its right here....thank you all...God Bless