IH,

I am sorry to hear that you are having a hard time.

I can relate to your struggles with pain, isolation from friends and family, the fear of losing medication and being back in horrific pain, and the struggle to deal with all of it.

I can also relate to the anxiety and panic attacks. I have had anxiety since childhood, and unfortunately the pain/anxiety combo makes it difficult for some doctors to see the pain and diagnose it because all the can see on the surface is the anxiety and panic. I can relate and I understand - and I know that so many other people here can relate and understand too.

It's sad to know that we all struggle with these things, but at the same time it is comforting to know that I am not alone and that someone else in the world understands what I have gone through in my life and what I go through on a daily basis. That's one of the reasons I have found such comfort and freidnship here at Neurotalk - because I know that I am part of a group of people who understand me and who can truly understand what it is like to live in my shoes.

When I first started taking pain meds I was so grateful and relieved to be able to feel better - and when my friends and family noticed how much better I felt they asked why and I told them that I was taking pain meds.... That's when a storm started. Half of them were freaking out and thinking that I was a drug addict, the other half were asking if I would share pills or help them get pills. It was a bit of a nightmare and for my own safety and well-being I had to stop talking to them and seeing them.

About 2 months later I then got back in touch with many of them and I lied to them -- I told them that the doctor stopped the pain meds and found a "different way" to treat the pain with different non-narcotic meds. It was a total lie because I was still taking pain meds, but it was a necessary lie, and it worked. They stopped worrying that I was a drug addict, they stopped asking for pills. They assumed that I was taking Advil and I let them. To this day I have never revealed my pain meds to them again. The only people who know about my pain meds are my doctor, pharmasist, and husband. No one else needs to know, and for my safety and well-being I don't want them to know.

Would it be possible for you to do something similar? Let the people in your life think that you are no longer taking pain meds, and then in the future keep it to yourself and make sure that your medications are secured in a safe so that if/when they visit they can not see them or steal them.... I know that it sucks to lie to people, but in my opinion I needed to do that in my life to be able to protect myself.

I hope something I said is helpful.

Take care of you,
Liz