...and, as I suspected, I am a total wreck. I was one of my sister's poll bearers, even with walking with my cane. Her funeral was beautiful but I completely fell apart. I thought that when that was over and I went to finally fill my husband's last wish on his list he gave me that it would bring me peace that I fulfilled every point on his list. It didn't. Even though it is now 7 months since his death it felt like it just happened. I found the exact spot I was supposed to go to. The tide was coming in and I went out to some rocks that would keep the ashes from blowing back on me and did the deed while my brother stood watch for cops. Some of the ashes did not immediately go straight out to sea and stayed in the sand among those rocks. I stayed until everything went out to sea. I didn't want to do it. I felt like I would never have him again. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It left me feeling very empty. Between the 2 deaths, I feel completely overwhelmed with grief. My heart actually does hurt. I came home and removed my wedding ring and put it away with his. So I am done and it is the worst feeling.