Quote:
Originally Posted by Dejibo
even with all of my knowledge, my own child fell victim to a money bully recently and was trapped in his own version of H&LL till recently. You cannot force another to learn from your lessons. You can only wait patiently for them to come back home. Be supportive when you speak to them, and let them know you are in their corner. The abused person misses you, and wants better, but isnt alway able to make such choices. Tons of belief of "I can fix him" or "its really MY fault. I provoke him." or "he is just misunderstood. If you really knew him, and how good he is to me, you wouldnt worry about me." Victims tell themselves tons of self comforting lies to keep the circle going. Abusers count on that.
Make time for a lunch with your friend, and tell her how proud you are of her.  |
All of the advice here so far is right on. I'm proud of your friend for getting out, sometimes that can be the hardest move to make.
She obviously has a great friend in you, that will be so helpful in the time to come.
I think you've been given the big red flags here, and they are definitely true. Another one is if they seem perfect, "too good to be true", then they usually are and once they know they have you they will show their true colors. Your opinion never gets asked, you're told how to think, feel, react, behave, and nothing you ever do will be right.
It's very hard to come out of this situation and not expect the same behavior from your following relationship(s). I still tend to expect that my husband is going to be mad at me for things or not want me to buy things, he has never been anything but supportive of me. He also knows about my ex-husband and is understanding when I tend to act like I'm expecting the abuse.
She's looking for the signs now, she knows she needs to change something. I pray she will be able to figure all of this out before getting into another relationship.
for both of you, thank you for being there for her like you are.