Abby,

First, I don't think you need a psychotherapist to understand why its bothering you. It is obvious that if you have to slow down and stop what you are doing normally it would be very bothersome. It can even be quite devastating. And it requires time and adjustment to learn to live with that.

I don't know if this could help you, but it helped me.

At some point, after a lot of frustrations, I realized that this illness makes my times scales different. eg-what I once accomplished in one day, would take a week. Also, deadlines had to be stretched. And there was no place for multitasking of overlapping of tasks in any way. Trying to keep on doing what I did before in the same way, just couldn't work.

So, what I did, apart from my usual schedule diary, I got another one, in which I would mark a long arrow with a marker going from where I have to start working on that task ( I always took at least a week back or more if it was a more daunting task, or I was going through a rough period in which I could easily have a few days of not being able to get out of bed). I then made sure not to schedule anything else during that week or so.

The task could be something at work or something at home, or with friends. everything was a task and required time to prepare and sometimes time to recover from, which were both marked in my calender.

This way if I had days in which I could do nothing, they were taken into account. (even normal people don't do anything at night when they sleep, so for me nights were sometimes a few days long).

I then decided to see those times, in which I could only lie in bed, as a time to learn. I would decide to try and learn new skills. for instance I taught myself to write in my head (never thought I could do that). I could eventually write an entire page, and even edit it with "copy" "paste", and then an entire paper. Before, I would have 20 versions for each manuscript, after, I would have the final version ready and just had to write it, once I was doing better and could sit next to my computer.

I also started telling myself stories and writing books. (something I never did before), or listening to music my son chose for me and put on my MP3 player. Or just lie in bed and let my thoughts drift where ever they want.

I also made sure to have proper cover-up for those times, so that I would not feel guilty (as I initially did) for lying in bed instead of doing what I need and should. I also got my friends, family, colleagues and even patients to understand that if I am not there as planned it is not because I do not want or forgot, or think its not important, but because I can't. And whenever I missed something like a good friend's wedding or an important meeting, I made sure to apologize and explain why I wasn't there, and schedule something else (eg-come and see pictures of the wedding with the friends and bring the present I planned to give, or send a report of what I was supposed to say etc.).

when people would occasionally be angry at me, I would suggest that we make a shortcut, instead of them being angry at me, and me being angry at this illness, why don't they just be angry at this illness instead of using me as a go-between? (this almost always worked ).

This way of living has now become so normal for me, that I find it hard to believe that only 6 years ago, I could drive to work, see 20 or more patients in my clinic, take a short break, go to make rounds on the wards, run back to the parking lot, pick up my son (always in the last minute), take him to his cello lesson, and go shopping while waiting for him, drive back home, make dinner, eat it with my sons and husband, then, after they went to sleep, go and read, sometimes go back to the hospital at night, or go to work in the lab (on my research) in the evening, see a movie, go out with friends etc.

It was a long process for me and for those around me to adjust to this significant change in my life. And I don't think there are shortcuts in doing that. Even with that, there are times in which I feel angry sad and desperate when I find myself having to stop, miss and postpone all my plans.