No. Wait. That's the recipe for "Doctor Soup".
But, seriously, I would suggest a second and maybe even a third opinion. The diagnosis may be correct, but any doctor that says "PD. Come back if it gets worse." is dangerous. So, the first step should be to find a doc that feels right to her. It doesn't necessarily have to be a neuro, BTW. A good GP is a much better choice than a bad neuro. I would also suggest that it be a woman if possible. Things are going to be hard enough without adding gender arrogance into it.
Once you are both satisfied with the dx, it is time for you to have a long talk with yourself. Are you man enough to do this? If you knew that she had ten years to live, would you stay? If you have any doubts, you had better go, because she isn't going to die from PD. It is much worse than that. She has no choice, but you can still escape. But even if you run from the burning house into the night, there is something waiting in the dark with your name on it. You can choose your burden by sharing hers. Or you can walk out the door and see what life drops onto you. Those are your only options. "None of the above" is not on the list for any of us.
If you are going to stay, then she should start planning for her future. Medication should buy her five to ten years and those must be made to count. The fact that she has a small business of her own is invaluable. She needs a plan to get as secure as she can. Maybe a partner who gradually assumes the load and pays her a monthly check. If that isn't possible, then she may be able to switch to a service approach such as landscape design that does not require employees and allows her to set her own schedule. Once she is drawing disability (SSDI) she can earn about $700/month without penalty, so that is your target.
SSDI can be a real pain to get approved and then there is a two year wait for Medicare, so you need to plan longterm. Assume that there will be a bankruptcy in there so she should start thinking in terms of asset protection. If she has anything of value, she needs to see a good attorney on this. This needs to be done within a month of dx, just to keep her from putting it off. There are a number of waiting periods to be considered. And if you are going to be her knight in shining armor, go out and get the best life insurance policy you can afford.
When she applies for SSDI, she should not be working. If the business is doing well, it might be wise for you to buy it from her on a monthly payment approach. Once SSDI is secured, she can buy it back from you if that is desirable.
gotta go.more later
Quote:
Originally Posted by linter
My 56-year-old girlfriend was diagnosed with PD about 2 yrs ago, with tremors in her left hand, cogwheeling, and rigidity. Pretty much she has been in denial about it ever since but it's getting to the point where the reality of it can no longer be avoided.
She is a landscape gardener and is finding it harder and harder to work and her finances are in terrible shape and she is at wit's end and she really does need to start doing something to try to manage her symptoms. But she also suffers from some pretty terrible ADD (tho not nearly as badly as her brother, who has been on full disability almost his entire life because of it ..) and has a difficult time getting started on things and then sticking with them.
So, that's where I come in and why I'm here. My first big question is, are we making things worse by doing nothing in terms of medical treatments at this early stage when she is still pretty functional? In other words, are there things we should be doing *right now* that'll help out in the future?
The doctors have pretty much said, Yup, you have PD. And then left it at that. Come back if it gets worse. No talk of medication. Leaving us to gather that, okay, there's nothing to be done for it but see what happens next. Which is how we've played it so far. But things are progressing, and not in a good way. And my gf still refuses to believe it's PD and she won't go back to the the doctor(s) that diagnoses her, though she is going to see a hand doctor in a month to see if the tremors are the result of a dog bite she got right before they started. And so on. So, I'm going to start doing what I can behind the scenes, to be able to help if and when she concludes that it's Pd after all. And lord know I hope it's not, of course, but it probably is.
Also: at what stage does one begin to think about disability payments from the state. I mentioned that to her once and she went ballistic, so if it's better to start on that sooner than later, it's something I'll be getting the ball rolling on, too.
Gawd, there is so much to think about that I don't know what to think about first.
Could someone offer me some suggestions?
Thanks!
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