I call that suicidal ideation. Not having a plan, but just not wanting to live. Been there many times. I've said it to my doctor and therapist before and they call it that. Maybe you have a combination of PTSD, from whatever it is you experienced in your family before, leading to depression.

Post trauma can do so many things to a soul and body.

suicidal thoughts

And DO check out the link in Ms. Alffe's signature line. ♥