Suicide has so many layers for those who are left behind...we have the anger (mine was raging at God) but I was VERY angry at Michael for making that choice, and the guilt..mothers aren't supposed to bury their children...we are supposed to protect them, and I shopped around for someone to blame (his financee..his ex...God again) It took years to sort it all out and arrive at acceptance.

When I reread this post I am reminded of someone at the meeting last Tues. night who had such an emotional reaction to my using the word "choice"..I said to me it was the ultimate F you...that he would choose death over life. She sobbed, "some people who suicide feel like they have no choice. And she is right..I'll be more careful next time, more specific..that I was talking about Michael choosing.