Quote:
Originally Posted by toadie
for some people hope is a cruel
hope is cruel in the waiting...
hope for a cure, hope to get, be and feel better, hope to regain our lives.
i don't idle, hope for me. i hope for my kids. that my kids remember, see and feel me busy with living, full of love, laughter and hope for a better tomorrow.
you don't need an attitude adjustment, you are golden as you are.
mayhap, we all need to have some grit about us to survive life in general. when you have pd, you have to have enough grit to make it through the really crappy days and see that tomorrow is a brand new day "full of possibility" a chance for a "do over"
the "do over" may be a few days or weeks in coming but that ahhhh that one good day.
my world is spent almost exclusively among "regular people", when i am relatively ok, i tend to do more and make regular people ashamed of their idle complaints or of being just plain lazy. if i wake them to a new or better level of functioning or living, it is worth it, i've had a good day.
life doesn't always go the way you think it should, you can have a very good life regardless of the hand you're given. there is a good life after a not so good diagnosis.
you can take a really hard hit, or several. you may have survived traumatic events or series of events, things that would take anyone down.
there may not be an answer to "why me?" or "why not you?"
ultimately, it's up to you to get back up.
do the best you can as long as you are able to. that's all anyone can or should ask or expect from you.
it's a very fine line to walk when you expect more from yourself than others. it can be even harder to forgive yourself for your own mistakes, real or imagined, although you forgive others easily.
i hope my babble makes some bit of sense, to someone other than me.
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Just like our disease, and our personalities, our lives are all so different. I'll bet that anyone with an established life, support of family, financial independence, and all the coping skills in the world, plus early in this disease will and can feel a sense of hope. For those who are treated like they "aren't disabled", broke, abandoned by most family and friends, swamped with "things to do" often just to eat and find a warm place to be, and otherwise "crippled" by thousands of possible things going bad, or wrong, or just pain, depression, and the inability to move, and are advanced and alone to cope by themselves, undermedicated, death seems like a release. You who know what i'm talking about, often never post, but still read this forum. Drugs can buy you a few years, but won't halt progression. In the USA, if you are below the poverty line, you are on the street, unmedicated, and have no access to a computer like US, the more fortunate YPWP, life IS NOT worth living. No amount of talk will or can even send a kind word their way. It is not for me that i posted this thread, it is for the forgotten, those who suffer in this country, like tsunami victims, or war victims. Pure despair. No more reason to live. Now i still have reasons to be alive and my pains are adequately taken care of by drugs that i can still afford, and i can pay for my drugs, and i can afford a roof over my head, and still keep warm and adequately fed and have a nestegg for the future when PD stops my breathing.
I fear for a country that doesn't care for it's chronically ill and wants to cut 1 trillion from medicaid. It is similar to those who come back from war, beaten and psychologically suffering silent trauma, losing everything, and nowhere to go and nobody to care about them. They might as well end their lives, because they shoot horses, don't they?