Quote:
Originally Posted by Blessings2You
My parents were living with us while Dad was dying of emphysema. I'd walk into their room in the morning, holding my breath, waiting to see if he was still with us. When I saw that he was, I was relieved...and disappointed. Then I felt guilty for feeling relieved, because he was suffering. And guilty for feeling disappointed, because what a bad daughter to what, wish him gone?? It was a painful, emotional time in so many ways, and even though I KNEW I had no reason to feel guilty, I did anyway. I don't anymore, though.
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This was exactly my experience when my Grandma was dying of lung cancer. She was in hospice at my house and it was so hard. There was such a range of conflicting emotions. It's been nearly 2 years since she died and I still feel twinges of guilt. It does ease up day by day and month by month. Hopefully with time, I will get totally past that.
One thing I would totally recommend if you are using hospice is to take them up on the free bereavement services. I didn't and totally regret it. I think I would be in a better place if I had just admitted back then that I needed the help. I was too busy trying to settle her estate and do all the "business" stuff that I wasn't really feeling until later. By then, I was so much of a mess that I just didn't know where to begin.
Hugs
to you. I totally understand how you feel. Your feelings are completely normal and OK.