Hello, and I do understand those feelings. My father died of throat cancer, and my mother from heart disease. I was with them during their years of decline and kept them out of a nursing home. I had hospice, and there was kindness there. Neithor were denied good meds, to help them. I wanted my folks, both of them to pass on when it happened. They were sick, and truely it is cruel to keep people alive just to suffer. There may be a community center with help for caretakers. Seek help if you can, it will lesson your burden. I never regreted the "hows" of my parents deaths. ginnie