I am never going to be the one to bash anyone for their addictions. Both my parents were alcoholic, and I lived it. I will only comfort, and ask you to get help for that if you can. There are groups that you well know about. It is truely up to you in the direction you choose for your life. I knew the demons my parents had. I wish for you better than that. Your pain was also evident in your thread, and I understand PN. I have that from ATTD, need two new ankles, and have had two cervical fussions. The pain and fear just about unhinged me. I found this site and began to get a grip on what to do. My conditions did cost all that I had, and all that my folks saved for me. I was not allowed to keep the money in a trust for me to live. I had no insurance eithor. I became destitute and borrowed money I did not replay from my son. I found the drs. that were able to help, and fought for social security dissabiltiy. Lots of times the real good pain specialists, are picky in who they give medications to. If you are drinking, these meds could kill you quite easily. The doctors don't want that to happen for sure. I would give up drinking in a second, to get the relief I did from the surgeries and the pain medications that allowed me to live a better life. It would't be a contest for me, as I wanted to keep walking, and get my neck fixed. If you really put your priority of your health first and examine what the doctors will expect of you, you should refrain. Then you would get some relief, maybe the PN will calm down. Pain specialist have to be picky, and actually neruologists are too, as they prescribe meds also. I do wish you all the best, I hope you see the PN thread, and keep in touch with us. I also hope you get some good information on your condition to move forward and feel better. ginnie