yeah he said don't be a hero if it gets unbearable walk away even if it costs money... on the other hand he said, if i can manage to get to end of contract it it might give me a boost - a sense of achievement. that's true too. i keep saying if i can do one 1 month i can finish the contract (end June).it's totally about and at work. actually home is better than it was perhaps because i can medicate, but it is a relief to be with the folks - feels safe.[/QUOTE]

thanks Bobby

you're right i feel like i'd be quitting where so many don't ... it's not worth the money it's not that though, i do know that. it's more that it's harder to move from no job to job. my folks want me to try to work with my first contractor and stay employed with a different end client if possible.... that's probably the most sensible thing too.

i was very upset and ruminative about this all weekend couldn't even post about it. now i am trying to find some sort of angle that can help me pass the minutes hours days weeks interactions and ignoractions.

the best i could do - last night the Bones episode was when they found the slave ship - was remind myself i have the freedom to choose and i am getting paid. i may be treated unkindly and somewhat unfairly and possibly end up scapegoated, but it isn't about me. i'm doing the best i can, because that is about me, and i might learn if i do things in earnest.

i would want to stop, stop working, and be more active with the epilepsy center, and look for schools now that i have the resumes done, and/or training.

but i think that is idealistic... who wouldn't want to take a vacation. also, keeping working will probably keep me workable.

~ waves ~