I LOOK around me a see war, disaster, poverty, and a multitude of thingss far greater than the problems that i have, yet i feel so desperate.............

my edlest son has vitual camped out at his girlfriends for the past 6 weeks, he came before on the night before his birthday to open his cards and remove the money then left......ii never even saw him on my birthday........


last friday in a mad rage i was going to go up there and thrash it out [but after it causing a row at home did not go] on Saturday i saw him at a bus stop.....and to try and avid a row i walked away.............i was then physically sick, followed by a bout of diareah...........i could not stop shaking..........

i then got drunk .....caused a commotion in a pub........with half the pub against me..........

and ended up in A+E WANTING TO DIE...........

the week before all this i went back to my doctor and went back on anti-depressants as i have been experiencing anxiety ...............My job is full of strangers.......all my ex colleagues have gone via redundancy.......and my team is made up now of agency workers.............

I just want to runnaway.......................i want these felings to stop.


I have lived in this present town for 23 years in the north of England...........my accent is different...........and even though i have lived here so long............i have never been truly accepted............


i feel so issolated................and yet feel ...i belong nowhere.........

i have taken this week off as sick leave in the hope i can get my act together.............but i feel so paraniod...........

please forive this vent.....i just needed to speak out my feelings

David