I'm not a mum myself but i'm my parent's daughter! I'm now 25 and i know how much i made them suffer! I understood finally that the only ones who truly loved me were my parents no matter what i did or say! It took me time to realise that now they are dead. All you can do is let it go! You just have to tell your son you love him..that's all. He'll come back one day or another!