"I wonder when enough will be enough for her"

Mel, I have often pondered the same, and in my journey through sobriety, and I have witnessed for some, that enough, is never enough

I lost a very close friend to this disease a month ago..We are the same age, 57, and have known each other since high school..We both became commercial fishermen, drank in the same bar, and near the end I was doing heroin with him..Booze was more my problem, and drugs were more my friend's problem..I got sober in 1989, my buddy got sober in 1993..I was his sponsor for 3 years..He was homeless untill he went into the Salvation Army program for 6 months, then his folks trusted him enough to take him in when he got out

I watched him put his life together..He got his drivers license back after 20 years without one..He sought out his ex-wife through a lawyer, to make arrangements to begin paying his back child support..$40,000..It took him about 13 years to pay it, but he paid back every last cent..I saw his two boys come back into his life..I was watching a miracle take place..The changes his recovery brought into our small town stuck out like a sore thumb..He was truly a power of example, and he helped others find their way to a sober life

Then a couple of years ago in his 15th year of sobriety, he got in a toxic relationship with a woman who was using, and he tried to "save her"..He went on the roller coaster ride with her, and one day he took a Percocet out of his sisters medicine cabinet, and popped it to deal with the anxiety, of this crazy relationship

This began the 2 year downward spiral that led to his death..I took him to detox, a 5 day dry out

He kept slipping and sliding, and about 10 months later he was found half naked stumbing around town, and was rushed to the hospital for a heroin overdose..He was in a coma on life support for four days..I went and visited him as soon as he was well enough to have visitors..He was slurring his speach and walking with a cane from brain damage..In his own words he told me..'I almost bought the farm"..He was in the hospital for about a month

You would think this would be enough to scare anyone back into recovery..I thought it was..But I was wrong

He was bankrupt, lost his apartment, and ended up sleeping on someones couch, because his family had had enough..Then he totaled his car and had no transportation, no money, no nothing..I talked him into going to an inpatient facility for depression, cuz I feared for his life at this point..He stayed for 6 weeks, got out and was doing a little bit better, but he had lost eveything, and couldnt emotionally get it back together..He would call me for rides twice, three times a week, to do laundry, food shopping etc..Sometimes food shopping was at the dollar store.........

What was frustrating was, here was a man who knew what to do, and how to do it though the 12 steps.....and he couldnt do it

I got a call a few weeks ago on a Sunday night, from one of my sponsee's, who was a mutual friend, and said.."John died this morning from an overdose"

The police, and the rescue squad came to the house...John was home alone, so that means he made the 911 call himself..But as quickly as they respond in our small town, they didnt get there in time

When it hits this close to home, it really puts the fatal nature of this disease into perspective..I cant believe how it took away a man who had come so far..But I watched it all happen, and no matter what I said or did, I was powerless to stop it

We often say, when someone passes on, in a cliche kind of a way, that so and so is in a better place..I witnesssed my friend John's relentless emotional pain of hopelessness and helplessness, that this disease inflicts upon its victims, and I can say with certainty, that my friend is definately in a better place today

But for the Grace of God go I, and many others

Steve