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DiMarie · 03-04-2007, 02:20 PM

I know I have tons of great friends praying for me, I am not sure what I need them to pray for to help....
I am so frustrated, concerned about myself, and don;t even know what to call it or how to fix it. Can;t fix it with my faith, my love,or my strength.
Not sure this even makes sense.

I am a strong person, but tons of termoil always seems to come my way. I manage it...I cry, I share, I give and love.

Many know I recently lost my daughter, she was a chronic pain patient that had medication reactions that ceased her breathing just a day after discharge from a behavioral helath center, with many new meds.
I have other children that have health problems. Pituatary tumor, spine/nerve damage, heart problesm and depression, youngest with severe anxiety.

I am in financial difficulty from loss of income from a car accident, I am or was working part time and receive SSDI.

Perhaps I need to learn I cannot fix everything, I can;t even bandaid it, I have my finger stuck in a dike and water is pouring out all over me.

I survive by being busy; in community to help with a plan to attain a community recreational center, wrote several emergency mangement articles on preparing for emergencies, short term and long term.

Part of NAMI national allieance on mental health to contribute and learn, one part better treatment by the legal system by training police that are often the first responders in mental health crisis, and support for my own anxiety panic problems.

My employment involves social work, but non therapy, more supervision. I have spent a life time in law enforcement helping people, now I can't distance myself in my job, to "not" become a caring part of the families I work with.

Is it my grief, is it my personality, is that something bad, good....
I deal with my grief and stress by throwing meself into things, and having a cry, sometimes a tissue and sometimes a towel.
I don;t know why I can;t seperate myself, distance myself and stop caring in my job, in order to keep it.

I love the kids I work with, sad thing with much termoil in the family, I just want to hug them fix it and reslove the problem...that is not my job.

How do I relearn to not care, to step back, not become involved...should I?
So I let them down at work, and they do care about me ,
I do let my family down; my disability I can not keep up with chores.
I do let my friends down when I am just not there mentally.
I do let my emotions create a heartache.

I can;t afford to take amonth off work, but that is where I find myself. I have to do some soul searching, emotional/mental patching and destressing.
Any prayers of shared stories are appreciated.
I know I am not the only person going through the lifes problems